Friday, 5 February 2016

EXTRAMARITAL RELATIONSHIPS

I am curious to know if these unorthodox, rule breaking, immoral relationships operate on any rules of their own. The irony would not be lost on me. What should be length of a relationship between a married person and another person outside of their marriage? What is the reason for the need of such a relationship? Who do we blame for such a relationship if blame is to be laid? What is the decent time after marriage to start such a relationship? And does the spouse being cheated on really not ever have a clue of such a relationship when it’s ongoing? These are all questions to the comments I have heard being made and that I have made when I heard that this or the other was caught cheating or is cheating on their spouse unbeknownst to them. So I am going to try and provide rational answers to them to the best of my ability. Now with regards the length of the relationship, if it goes on for too long, it risks exposure and that, the voice has taught us comes with heavy repercussions. Also the longer it goes on, I think the lesser the chances of the third wheel finding a person and establishing a real relationship of their own that they do not have to hide. So I would conclude by saying this relationship should always be kept short and sweet (as sweet as can be considering its nature) and non-dramatic. No feelings should be allowed to develop, which is often the case the longer a relationship is allowed to exist. The second question speaks to why a married person should need an extra relationship outside of their marriage anyway, and I ask why indeed? People get married and for the lazy folk they recite the tired old vows whose origins they do not know of nor I think care to find out about; for those maybe we can be lenient. But the ones that would really upset are the ones who make the effort of coming up with their own vows vowing to fidelity and loyalty and all and then going out and getting it on with someone else. The question then becomes, if you still wanted to sleep around why did you have to lie to yourself and your faithful (hopefully) spouse about wanting a settled life because in my books unless otherwise explicitly stated, marriage equals exclusivity. So I am afraid the answer on the need for an extramarital affair eludes me for I see no rational reason for such behavior (unless you believe monogamy is unnatural- which then becomes a whole other debate to take on and still leaves the question of why then get married open). I believe only the married person has a duty to their spouse and as such should be the sole bearer of blame if blame is to be laid especially blame coming from their spouse. Yes the third party is wrong in an enabling capacity but the onus lies with the one who took vows and propositioned or affirmed a proposition. It is their duty to say something to what we would hope along with being their lover is their most trusted confidant if they feel something is not right in the relationship instead of going out and tainting the union. I for one have been mad at people I heard started cheating a week after getting married. I wondered if they could have gotten bored with their partner that quickly and also question the genuineness of the commitment to begin with. How do you make a commitment to spend the rest of your life with someone cherishing them, being loyal to them and protecting them and then go out and fuck another person a week or however long afterwards!? Where is first of all your decency? These are some of the tendencies that make me question if people really understand the reasons why they get married and if those reasons are noble. You should at least wait to get tired of your spouse which in reality if you have committed to marriage you should have thought of contingencies that you both agree on to. Lastly I question the being kept in the dark of the spouse being cheated on. Especially with couples who have been together for longer and who know each other's patterns, behaviors and routines. I would like to believe (maybe I am naïve) that if I have been with you for more than 5 years (modest time) and you start cheating all of a sudden I should at least suspect something is up because I do not want to think you would act the same way with the new fling as you have been with me all the 5 years or more of our relationship. That is just the nature of us humans, a new fling always brings a spring or sway to our walk, a laugh and smile to reading texts, something different and fresh like the new relationship. So honestly, assuming you are attentive to your relationship (without being obsessed) I do believe within reason a spouse should be able to tell. As such I think people need to take a proactive role in such matters and instead of being passive, they should jump to nip the fling in the bud by identifying why their spouse decided to go out and transgress against their union. This should help save the relationship if that is the intention. Otherwise it helps one prevent the overwhelming questions of why when they find out later and realise they are the only ones who didn’t know their spouse was busy canoodling outside their marriage- the self-esteem of the cheated party always tends to take a hit. This as you can tell is based mainly on the two married people. It is not to say the third wheel is absolved of blame or becomes a prop, but the problem shall always remain with the ones who signed the marriage contract to deal with in the end.