BABIES

They are adorable little human beings. In African culture they are the validating stamp of womanhood them and marriage. But having a baby even out of wedlock at least proves that you are not barren. Most women want to have them and those who do not want to have them are believed to be missing an integral part of what it means to be a woman but I find them to be quite strong and inspiring. But to have or not to have is not what I want to discuss. But rather who to have with and when to start looking for child minders once you have decided to have.

I have recently through the birth of my niece gotten to find that babies can be a difficult full time job. Some babies are said to be the most well behaved, non-crying, easily put to bed very easy to deal with and others are quite the opposite. Imagine yourself with an irritable baby and a flighty man. It's safer people say, to have children in marriage for obvious reasons and the not so obvious, but what help is a husband who cannot stay or contend with a crying baby or a husband who can only hold a non-crying baby!? I think I'd take my chances with a boyfriend in this case, stay in of course. What I am saying is raising a child is difficult work, I would know through my part time work of helping to care for my niece; so neither of the parents should be allowed to slack on the job. Both of you are working full time jobs, why should the woman then still come home to be the only one who makes sure the baby is fed and bathed and ready for sleep and falls asleep!? Society is really not fair, fuck proving strength, everyone gets tired and if we decide to have a baby then we must both commit to equally committing to take care of the child through smelly poop, midnight/ mid-morning cries. So perhaps in choosing a husband and having decided we want to have kids lets go for the guy who will actually help raise that child, not just financially because then he is no different from the guy who pays maintenance through a court order but a man who will actually get his hands dirty when it matters the most.

Now on to the question of when to start looking for a child minder when you are pregnant. I have made the observation that latest, you must have your first candidate by the 6th month mark. Experience has proven that these ladies can be flighty. So the best thing would be to get a person while you are still pregnant, learn their character and their distractions so you can judge just how relatively safe your child will be in their hands once the bundle of joy arrives. Looking for a child minder when you have to go to work and the baby is already here is stressing as you trust your child with a virtual stranger, it's not different really from leaving your child with a lady at the bus rank and running to the bathroom. Also be careful to go for the ones that have children older than 5 years if they have children or the older women because those are much more mature and will not give lame excuses for abandoning you. Also they don’t have as many child emergencies.

This having a child business is serious business. And we should really start treating it as such and putting into it as much planning as we can. It's not a thing to be entered into blindly.