BOTSETSI

I consider myself a moderately cultural young woman. And I pride myself in this assertion because in this day and age us "born frees" do not identify with our cultures very much. The pull to be westernised is far too great for ngwao ya rona ya setswana. This being said, the recent birth of my first ever niece has brought me the opportunity to really observe and come in contact with the culture of botsetse. Having gone to baby showers and hearing what should and should not be done, the real practices are rather intense in my view. I have a few contentions with this practice that hinge on two major points. 1. the issue of the father's involvement, 2. the separation of the new mother from other people and life as used to. Now with regards to the first point I do believe that it has become redundant and rather ridiculous for one's father to experience their child being in life by hearing their cry or driving the little baby and mommy to the hospital or wherever else they may need to go for the first month or so. For one, when the baby is born these days the hospital allows for the father to be present during the birth if they so wish. And thereafter they are given the baby. I do not know why then they become enemy number one when mother and baby get home. What would become of the poor father, if God forbid(and I do not consider myself religious) the child was to die in those first few days of life. Where would have been his memories of his child, the child he made with love (that’s a positive assumption of course). Also especially in the context of married people who society dictates should have children after marrying. Having had that child what arse of a father would not do everything and anything in his power to ensure that he did not bring various unknowns from mischievous behaviour out there. I mean if you are going to make a choice to conceive with your wife, and try whoever many times why would you jeopardise that very precious goal you have been working towards. Lastly, how is the man supposed to identify with being the primary parent or the caretaker when for the first essential developmental stages of the baby he is kept at bay!? How is he supposed to connect with his baby and have his baby know his smell, breath and temperament? How is he supposed to identify with feeding the baby and changing diapers. I think we have enabled the lax participation of fathers in raising their children besides providing financial aid for long enough. Each father who cares to be considered truly as a father should participate in every stage of raising his child. That I believe is the only way for him to identify with his baby. Some men however do catch up to such duties but some don’t and that is what we need to curb. Now on the second point; I have realised that the new mommy is excluded from everyone else including her man and everything else. She even moves into a different room, where she stays isolated for a while. The plates and cutlery she uses, some food she uses(whatever the discretion for such is, who knows) and even the stove plates she uses right down to the kitchen cloth. Now I cannot for the life of me fathom this and Batswana being Batswana will never really explain such issues to an outsider (which is what I am by virtue of not having a baby). But really, if you are going to share with us the mere mortals some of the most unhygienic places like the toilet and bathroom, then why bother making anything else exclusive to yourself. Shouldn’t hygiene be top priority anyway for everyone else in the family!? Or are the rest of us all just ok falling off to some food poisoning or whatever else impending doom awaits us in the kitchen. I think this is ridiculous, no disrespect to anyone. Also why on earth should one not be even allowed to talk to her husband or spouse face to face at home after giving birth. What could possibly become of them sitting in one place and just reminiscing on the feat conquered of birthing their child. Why should they resort to pictures on whatsapp and conversations there? This is really a sad predicament, one that puts me off pregnancy even more. I say let the fathers in and let the mothers interact not just with the person who is in charge of 'go baya botsetsi' but at least the immediate family in the house. Let's re-evaluate some practices and their relevance.